Testimonies - Page 6 of 40 - Moms in the Making

There is nothing worse than feeling alone and feeling like no one understands you.

In March of 2023, I felt ready to move forward and start the process again with IVF. However, that door was closed and I felt once again alone.

I started looking for a faith-based support group and that is when I found Moms in the Making. It was literally God who brought me to this group because I needed community, especially at a new church. I have been diagnosed as a fragile X carrier which impacts my fertility and I was given a less than 3% chance of conceiving naturally.

Going to the conference was life changing. I was scared, but at this point I had nothing to lose. During the prayer sessions, I recall when Caroline asked to raise our hand if death had been spoken over us and I felt my hand go up. For the longest time, I had deep rooted seeds of pessimism, negativity and words of discouragement spoken to me as a child and through my adulthood. On my one-on-one prayer, I finally spoke what I feared the most; I feared not being a good mother because I felt unworthy. While my mom is loving now, there was a time in my childhood where she used words harshly on me that left deep wounds.

I cried for joy and cried for healing because God reminded me that I was worthy of becoming a mom and that He is the one that determines when my time comes to become a mom. I felt encouraged to get baptized during the conference as I wanted to start my new journey feeling free from those chains. I felt God say to me, “Can you see how much I love you that I gave my one and only son for you? I brought you out here so you don’t feel isolated”.

Coming back from the conference, I have kept His words in my heart and am mindful of what I think and what I say. I now speak life over my body, my marriage and overall because God is so good giving me this life for His purpose and reminding me not to put my trust in a diagnosis or process but to TRUST HIM and His timing.
Prior to attending my very first MITM conference in 2023, I was broken, hurting, filled with doubt and convinced that no keynote speaker was going to fix that. I had just experienced my third miscarriage one week before and was overwhelmed by the grief and the timing. I read an email in the days leading up to conference where someone shared their testimony about being able to forgive themselves. At the time, I shrugged it off because I never considered myself as a person that I needed to forgive.

During conference, I was wrecked by the presence of God in that room and feeling Him move when we prayed over each other. I was delivered from a lifetime of death being spoken over me and felt darkness being stripped from my body. I learned to love myself again, maybe even for the first time. I heard God say, “I don’t make junk!”, and when I looked up from washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and forgave the person who convinced me that junk is all I was. I decided to walk in healing as a chosen and treasured child of God.

Today, I am set free. I even got a bracelet that says set free as a daily reminder to not return to bondage. I refuse to believe the lies that the enemy sends disguised as truth. I have a renewed passion for studying the Bible. I can praise and worship again without feeling like a fraud because no matter what I face, I know I’ve built my life on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. Faith gives me the power to live fearlessly. Faith makes it possible to look to Him with childlike wonder and an attitude of surrender and say, “I trust you.” Faith is knowing that it wasn’t a speaker who gave me breakthrough, but God’s work in my heart and whisper in my soul to choose to walk in healing and shout for joy.
In 2023, we found out that we are pregnant with miracle number 2! We had been trying for a little over two years and we’re so excited!

But about a week after we saw our positive test, I started bleeding. We went to the ER and they did multiple tests and ultrasounds, but it was so early, they just said, “we don’t know what way this pregnancy will go yet, but have to call it a threatened miscarriage.” Obviously we were stressed and worried, but we had faith that God would keep our baby alive and we would “see His goodness in the land of the living”. We had to wait 48 hours to take another test and then my OB ordered a third test so we had to wait 48 hours more. It was a traumatic yet strengthening time. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, to not know what is happening with your unborn baby, but it made me really hang onto God.

We finally heard back that our HCG numbers were still rising and when we went back to our OB, we had another ultrasound and saw little one’s heart beat flicking on the screen! God is so good! He even allowed my husband time off of work to come to the last minute OB appointment and he got to see our baby on the screen, too!

One final little testimony…while we were in our double 48 hour wait, we had some family pictures that I had scheduled waaaay back before we even knew about our new little one. We wanted to announce the arrival with some cute pictures, but I was so scared to do that after our bleeding scare. I felt this was a step of faith in God to take and just show Him I KNOW He’s going to pull through. Now we have these beautiful pictures and crazy memories and testimony of God’s goodness. We know He is blessing this pregnancy and will be with us every step of the way!
Going into conference in 2023, I was wrestling with several things. One of them was my job. I was ready to start a new chapter, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I had been struggling for weeks and had developed a relentless eye twitch in the midst of it.

I attended Chariti’s breakthrough session “Shout of Revelation” as my last session and we did a prophetic exercise. I showed my picture to my group and the first person said, “I feel like the Holy Spirit is telling you that there’s something you’re holding on to and you need to let it go.” I knew immediately it was about my job. I decided then and there that my job wasn’t worth my peace. God had my next steps planned and He would reveal them in due time.

The next week at work was great, the best it had been in weeks. Letting go completely changed my attitude and my outlook. At the end of that week, I was called into my boss’s office where they told me that my position was being eliminated. In the midst of a very unexpected job loss, I smiled. When I told my husband, he laughed. I knew that letting go had allowed God to move and He did in a big way. It wasn’t at all like I expected, but none of that mattered. I knew that God had all of this planned. All I had to do was open my hands, let go, and God said, “Well done, now let’s move towards what I have next.”
At the 2023 Moms in the Making conference, I went to a breakout session called “Shout of Hope.” The speaker, Jevanna, was engaging the audience with questions. “How many of you…” type of questions. She was talking about Hannah in the Bible. She asked the question, “How many of you have a Peninnah in your life that taunts you about your infertility?” I raised my hand. I started thinking about the times a close family member was cruel to me regarding my fertility and I was overwhelmed with grief.

I was trying to not make a scene, but sobs were sneaking out of me. I was shaking. She saw me and stopped to pray for me. She called me by name and said, “God sees you.” I don’t think that was a generic thing she says to upset women, I think she asked the Holy Spirit what I needed to hear. I was able to take some deep breaths and calm down.

Later, I reflected on what happened. If God truly sees me then He already knows that my family member is my Peninnah. He wanted me to know that He knows what was occurring. Like Hannah’s story, He wants something better for me that is taking awhile to happen.

If it were not for the deep pain of being taunted on the sensitive topic of fertility, I would not have found the motivation to change my life. I would have continued to stay in this abusive relationship. Taunting me on a less sensitive topic, such as being overweight, was something I just endured. That motivation got me to my first Moms in the Making conference.

Since then, I found a community of women who support and encourage me. It has caused me to learn how to identify abuse and how to use boundaries. My mental health has greatly improved the past couple of years. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. God did not cause my pain, but He knew that something good could come out of it.

I have found a new deep gratitude to God the Father for what my life has become. Gratitude for my present life, even without a child. Honestly, I did not think I could ever get to a point where I could say that, but God is so good.
This is a bit of a testimony to God’s very good plans for me and how Caroline’s testimony and her lesson about speaking life really changed my perspective after conference.

For context, my husband and I have made a commitment to adoption. I went to our Christian school that’s attached to the church as Cinderella and I read a story about Queen Esther and about how God’s plans are always good, even when it doesn’t feel like it or even when it doesn’t line up with our own plans.

It kind of stung me as I was reading and speaking to the children about God’s very good plans and how God is always working. I was reading to children and being reminded that their parents are my age and are my friends. I felt like I should have a child at this school. I should be the one enjoying the pictures of my child with Cinderella.

But then, Caroline’s message that we heard during conference about speaking life came to my mind. I asked the Lord to show me the “life words” that I needed to speak in this situation. Then, this beautiful, soft word of God came to me.

In the process of bringing my heart’s desire to me, I need to work. I am doing my favorite thing in the world which is princess work. I am earning money to pay for my heart’s desire through work that the Lord has provided.

I began to thank the Lord for His provision and His attention to even the smallest detail. By changing my language from “have to” to “get to”, the Lord has provided additional well-paying performance opportunities and a year-long commitment with the school to bring other characters and share other stories about Jesus. By speaking life and finding the joy in the labor, I can see how very sweet the Lord is to show me how valuable I am to Him. He cares about me in every way and takes all my deepest desires into account. How good is our God that He cares so much?
Financial provision is something my husband and I have asked for prayers for a couple of years now. It was one of the things I asked the intercessor for prayer for during the Moms in the Making conference. We have aways felt incredibly blessed that we have never been in threat of going without, but we have a few goals, like buying a home for our expanding family and getting out of debt, both of which require a different financial situation.

About 18 months ago, we found a church home and set up our tithe. Then 9 months ago, my husband found a new career and company he truly enjoys working for and we’ve been blessed to have financial increase. However, we never adjusted our tithe. Ha, insert worldly excuses here. It seemed like each time we took a step forward, we were knocked a couple back.

For months now we’ve had conversations about correcting our tithe, yet never did so. Cue the worldly excuses again. The week after conference we finally sat down and set it up correctly! This was a Thursday, tithe happened Friday. Today is the following Sunday. I was reading Malachi 3, specifically 3:8-10 CSB – “Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing me!” “How do we rob you?” you ask. “By not making the payments of the tenth and the contributions. You are suffering under a curse, yet you — the whole nation — are still robbing me. Bring the full tenth into the storehouse so that there may be food in my house. Test me in this way,” says the Lord of Armies. “See if I will not open the floodgates of heaven and pour out a blessing for you without measure.”

I showed my husband and told him, “No wonder we couldn’t ever make any progress! We have been robbing God.” He agreed, and we felt confident about getting our tithe in line. This afternoon, my husband returned from the mailbox and handed me a stack of checks. Reimbursement of overpayment to a doctor over a year ago! A significant amount. These checks were cut the Wednesday after our first correct tithe was made.

Thank you, Lord!
Over the last several months, I have been struggling a lot with negative self thoughts, always beating myself up, never feeling like I was good enough personally, professionally or spiritually in any way. I felt like I had to strive for love from God and even my husband. I knew these thoughts were lies, which then made me feel crazy for thinking them! Because I was believing the lies, it also made me feel like a failure to God.

It even crept into my marriage and I was suspicious of my husband (bless his heart). It robbed me of my joy and my peace. At the Moms in the Making conference, the groundwork for healing was laid. I was prayed for and I felt somewhat refreshed. But something was still missing.

Today, I listened to episode 197 of the A Cup Full of Hope Podcast where Caroline interviewed Ruth Moore. Her words were so full of wisdom and life and really resonated with me. She described how she felt like she had to strive for God’s love, just like me. She said she did an exercise at a school at Bethel, where she asked Holy Spirit to reveal what lies she believed about herself and about God. Then she went on stage and declared the opposite truths to those lies.

I had done this before, about 7 years ago, but boy, had those lies piled up again! I did the exercise myself, writing out the lies and then wrote the truths on the following page. I didn’t think there would be so much power and healing in acknowledging those lies, repenting for them and replacing them with the truth! But it feels like it completely changed me, like a 1,000 lb weight has been lifted off of me! I now feel whole and healed, which is the declaration I wrote down and pinned on the wall at conference!! God is so good!!
My husband and I went through IVF and our first transfer worked — we had our miracle baby boy in 2021. We did our second transfer on July 2023 and it didn’t work. I’ve never experienced grief this way. I was confused and I felt such a heavy weight in my heart. It was so hard for me to think about our remaining and last embryo and the transfer we would eventually do.

I attended the Moms in the Making conference this year and God spoke to me, specifically about grief. He showed me how I was hiding everything from Him instead of surrendering it to Him. He talked to me with so much love that it led me to give Him everything I was carrying. But the most important thing I had to do was give Him my little embryo – my daughter that went to be with Him instead of being with me in my arms.

The Lord was so good to me, not only did He guide me through grief, but He also reminded me that what the world says is “the end,” for Him is only the beginning. He reassured me that I shouldn’t be afraid of our next embryo transfer.

There is breakthrough in my life because of what God did through this conference, and I am extremely thankful for that! The same way He met me in the middle of my pain is the same way He cares for you wherever you are at. Let’s not lose sight of all the miracles He makes along the way, while we wait for our promises to be fulfilled.
In May 2023, I had a biochemical pregnancy and I thought I had mourned, but there was still a sadness that didn’t go away.

This year, I wasn’t planning on going to conference but then God told me I needed to go. Traveling from the Netherlands to Texas would be a big challenge, but God provided a way and within one week I had everything arranged.

At conference, I had my breakthrough sessions lined up in a way whereby I had mourned during “Shout of Morning,” received hope during “Shout of Hope” and received God’s Word during “Shout of Revelation.” The devil might have tried to steal my joy and light away, but I wouldn’t let him. I felt my joy restored at conference.

And then…. another attendee, Sorani, found me. What are the odds that 2 girls both from Curaçao would meet each other at a conference in Texas? We started talking in Papiamentu – it was a confirmation that I needed to use this gift from God to empower and encourage other women on the island of Curaçao as well.

I can’t wait to help others receive the same joy and light that was restored to me during the conference. Thank you Moms in the Making!