Testimonies - Page 10 of 40 - Moms in the Making

Last year, I was blessed to be the 2022 recipient of the Moms in the Making ‘Grow Fund.’ It was an amazing surprise to round off a year God had spent revealing to me my worth to Him and how much He loved every part of His creation. I was honored and felt His love…until I didn’t.

As much as I felt His love then, shortly after I felt guilty because someone else in that conference room was believing for treatment medication and we didn’t even have a plan. I felt shame because we had to use the funds on something that wasn’t an appointment. And I questioned, “What did we miss?” and “What will I say when they ask what we did with such a blessing?”

Last weekend, we had our annual Leader Retreat. First of all, no one asked where that money went because no one cared. That was the first lie I believed. That the next time people saw me, I’d better be prepared to give an account. The second lie was rooted deep and its roots revealed at Leader Retreat: I may be redeemed. I may be loved. He’s already promised to meet my basic needs. But I would never be worthy of His abundance and overflow. God had even spent time with me, showing me the difference between money as seed and money as bread. And still, the lie persisted.

Last weekend, I learned unworthiness is a lie that can be rooted in trauma. And it manifests differently. Though it wasn’t discussed directly, He showed me that in my life, unworthiness was rooted in childhood poverty. Last weekend, He showed me I hadn’t learned how to see His abundance. How could He deny me something He promised? He wasn’t. The scales were removed at retreat, and I could finally hear Him and believe Him deeply when He said more than once, “I will tend to you.” All I have to do is live as the creation He had spent almost a year showing that He adored.‬
At the Moms in the Making Leader Retreat, I experienced several intimate encounters of the Holy Spirit, and I’m still in awe of these beautiful moments!

On Friday night, my friends and I were talking about the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Chariti (one of the board members) walked into the room at the perfect time. I explained how I’ve been learning more about the power of the Holy Spirit and how I wanted to experience more of Him in my life. Chariti asked if she could pray over me. When she was praying, I felt His fire in my body! My friends said they could feel it too.

On the following day, I received my prophetic card and began crying tears of joy as I read the first sentence: “Healing is your portion bought by the blood of Jesus.” I knew He was reassuring me that I will be set free from anxiety and depression. As I continued to read the card, I was encouraged by the words and felt deeply loved by our Heavenly Father!

On Sunday, He was also there for me when I felt a strong attack from the enemy. It was a dark feeling in my body that I’ve never felt before. Mary (who I just met that weekend) laid her hand on me. As I was crying from the physical and emotional pain, Mary was weeping louder; I knew it was the Holy Spirit crying and showing me that the pain I was experiencing hurt Him even more than it hurt me. I’m believing for complete healing and clinging to these experiences when He was clearly present to demonstrate God’s love and comfort!

I pray that my testimony reminds you that He is always near. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” John‬ ‭14‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬
I want to give God ALL the glory for every bit of goodness I experienced recently at the Moms in the Making Leaders Retreat!

I joined 60+ women at the top of the mountain to worship God, to give praise for what He’s done & will do, to claim victory in areas of our lives that we haven’t seen it yet, to lay down burdens at Jesus’ feet that we weren’t meant to carry, and to welcome Holy Spirit into our presence, our lives, and our hearts.

I love so many wonderful things about this ministry, but my favorite has to be that the focus is NOT on getting the baby, it’s NOT on the struggle of infertility, it’s NOT the healing…. it’s on the HEALER!!

The focus is on digging our roots deeper into His Word and cultivating our relationship with Him, so that no matter what may come our way we can stand firmly on the Solid Rock of Christ Jesus!!

Friday night of the retreat I asked the Lord what He wanted to show me. His answer shocked me!

I had no idea that for 13 years I had been walking around shaming myself, telling myself I was unworthy, and not truly loving me because of choices God had already forgiven me for.

And then… I finally forgave myself for harming myself and attempting suicide three times (13 yrs ago). That night I slept so peacefully. I breathed differently, too.

I know I haven’t physically changed on the outside, but my eyes see myself differently. I’ve always been critical of myself in photos. This weekend I loved every photo! Not because I look different, but because I am different!

To anyone who sowed into our retreat weekend — whether financially, prayerfully, or in any other capacity, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Not only have you sown blessings into 60+ women who were physically at this retreat, but you’ve also sown into the multiple of women & families who we will now be impacted from hearing their testimonies. For that, I am so grateful & thankful!
I’ve wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. As a planner, I picked what I thought was the perfect time to have our first child based on my husband’s demanding schedule in medical school. In September 2019 we started trying, but a year went by with no success. We received an infertility diagnosis and were told that we could likely conceive through IUI. After five tries with no pregnancy, the doctor recommended we try IVF.

My husband was still in medical school, so we had nowhere near the amount of money needed for IVF. Thankfully I had joined Moms in the Making and was blessed with incredible support. My MITM leader told me about a fertility clinic that was cheaper than most, so I prayed that God would provide the funds and timing for us to do IVF. With my husband graduating in a year and traveling for several months in the fall, I wanted to conceive while I was still in our close-knit community that had walked through infertility with us.

God not only worked out the timing for us to do IVF in the spring, He also provided finances through a friend who secretly fundraised for us. On the week of my birthday, I found out I was successfully pregnant with our first child and that our IVF costs would be totally covered thanks to the generosity of our family and friends! They were the best birthday gifts ever.

I had been afraid to share about our infertility journey publicly since it felt so vulnerable, but felt God calling me to share our story to bring more glory to him. I decided to do a series on my blog called God’s Faithfulness in My Infertility in the hopes that our story would encourage others. While I would never wish infertility on anyone, I experienced God’s goodness and faithfulness through that hardship and want to give others hope in their suffering, too.

We are praising God for the birth of a healthy baby girl and are hopeful He will provide more children in the future!
It’s been almost 18 years since my infertility journey began. 18 years of moments of complete brokenness after two devastating losses and many moments of death spoken over my womb. But also the sweet moments of an overabundance of joy as my family grew to include 3 miracle babies earth side.

As a leader of a virtual Moms Made group, I get the beautiful opportunity to pour God’s truth into each one of them so many times. However sometimes, to be honest, I wondered when would I be able to lay it all completely at God’s feet? When would I feel the peace that would come from breaking the chains that the enemy had so deeply positioned in my heart over the last 18 years?

Well that moment came one beautiful Sunday morning at my church just recently when I had the opportunity to share about Moms in the Making. As I spoke out these words, “I’m the daughter of a mountain mover, miracle worker, enemy-stomping God and I proudly stand now before you as an infertility victor”. The healing came, the enemy lost complete authority and my heart finally found peace.

Never doubt the power of your testimony, never allow the enemy to allow you to believe that your story isn’t enough, and when the time comes to receive healing, run fully into God’s loving embrace.
In January 2021, after a failed IUI, I came to Moms in the Making with a heart full of anger and with the question, “why me?” I always thought that if I had enough money for the fertility treatments that this wouldn’t happen to me.

I went through 11 years of infertility and I got plenty of diagnoses. The last one was: unknown causes. With many sacrifices, we got the money and tried IVF; it was our last resource. The result: no embryos and no hope of trying again because of my egg quality.

There were 2 virtual meetings from Moms in the Making that changed my life. In one of them, we learned about contentment, and in the other, my leader made a key question: “If God doesn’t give you a child, would you still love Him?” I felt something breaking inside of me and I was free. I told God, “I will never stop loving you.” And I then felt His peace. That’s how I started 2022.

On February 14th of 2022, after 12 years of infertility and 16 years of marriage, we finally got a positive test. Where science said no, God said yes. God showed me that I didn’t need money. He gave us our miracle baby the natural way, with no treatments. Donovan was born on September 26th of 2022. Now I’m part of Moms Made. God transformed my life through Moms in the Making.
The Lord brought us Joy in our waiting.

When people find out we have done IVF, they often feel sorry for us, but my husband summed it up well: “we are grateful for our season of infertility.”

Through it all, God taught us how to find our joy in Him. There were so many heartbreaking moments that only the Lord was able bring us through. But through every month, every negative pregnancy test, each lost precious embryo, every night spent upset, He strengthened us through it all–showing us that His love is unwavering, even if it was just through the quietest whisper.

After the Moms in the Making conference this past October, I was sitting in the Dallas airport waiting for my flight back to Boston. And even though I was still waiting on our miracle baby, the joy of the Lord overwhelmed me and I cried out in thankfulness. For the first time in our three-year journey of growing our family, I felt completely and totally loved and remembered by God through the women I had met, and for that I am so grateful for God putting Moms in the Making in my life.

5 weeks after that day in the airport, we found out we are pregnant with our miracle girl! Her name is Evangeline Joy, meaning “bringer of good news”, a tribute to God. He has shown us how to trust in His goodness in the midst of pain and we could not be more grateful for each step in this journey!
My testimony is one filled with heartache, anger, joy, miracles and awe of God. I want to start off by saying you’re not alone in this. I hear you and I see you.

We started trying to conceive in January of 2021. We were so excited.. until we weren’t. Months passed, I continued to feel the ache with every “no”. I became angry. I had been a Christian my whole life. I couldn’t understand why this was God’s plan. Shamefully, I would look at others around me who were reckless and thought, “why them and not me?” I was mad at God.

As the months went on, I started to change my perspective. I remembered the times Jesus wept. I knew He wasn’t indifferent to my pain. We were diagnosed with “infertility” in December of 2021. In August of 2022, we had our first IUI, which failed. In September of 2022, we had another IUI, which was successful. We were over the moon. The prayers and tears were worth it. I thought the hardship was over… until it wasn’t. At my 8 week appointment, River, no longer had a heartbeat.

My first thought was why? I felt numb and empty. Revival happened to be going on that week. God tugged at my heart to go, even though I could barely get out of bed. On my way there, I kept telling God I was in pain. Then something happened that radically changed my life. I heard the words, “I know, child”. I knew it was God. I’ve never told anyone that. It changed my perception of Jesus and this path.

Since then I have accepted that this was the path I was on. Though I don’t want it, I do understand there may be someone out there who needs to hear this story. I know my baby lives in heaven, I’m not in denial of that truth, however, I did pray for a baby, God gave me a baby. I prayed to be a mother, God made me one.

We are currently TTC for our rainbow. I know in my heart another miracle will happen. I have faith it will for you, too. Everything you feel is normal. Everything you feel is valid. God is with you, friends. Keep fighting, keep praying.
We started trying for a baby in January of 2013, and in February of 2014, I had scheduled an infertility consultation. Two days later, I found out I was pregnant. Sadly, in April of that year, we lost our sweet baby. While miscarrying, the doctors found numerous large fibroids. The next day, I had an emergency D&C, and a few months later, I had an open abdominal myomectomy (to remove the fibroids).

We tried to get pregnant for another year without success. I was eventually diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, hypothyroidism, anxiety, estrogen dominance, more fibroids (they grew back), cysts, food intolerances, reactivated chronic Epstein Barr virus, MTHFR and more. Over the coming years, God connected me with Moms in the Making and my faith grew. I started seeing a naturopathic physician and God healed the Hashimoto’s disease.

God began refining me. It was an incredibly painful but beautiful season. My faith was rising up and my hope was stirring. I knew God would be faithful. And, well, He carried me, a lot.

Quick story: Daylight Savings Time had just happened and my dog came up to me and gave me the look, you know the one, the hungry “feed me” look. I told her it wasn’t time yet (as it was now an hour before dinner time). Immediately in my heart I heard the Holy Spirit say, “that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, it’s not time yet.” I knew that though we had been waiting for a baby, the answer wasn’t a no but a NOT YET. That specific word from God grew my faith muscle like never before.

My 2019 scripture of the year was Isaiah 43:19 (NIV). It reads, “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

In January of 2020, we miraculously got pregnant completely naturally. Our precious baby girl was born that August. Her name Eliana is a Hebrew name and it means, “God has answered”.
2022 was a year of completely trusting in God and walking in His will for my life, fully. At the beginning of 2022 we did our second IUI, unfortunately it was unsuccessful. We took a couple of months off and I went to the leader retreat with Moms in the Making where I was so encouraged in my journey of infertility and in life to just trust God, wholly. I came home ready to just step out onto the water where He was calling, not at all sure where it would lead.

We did our third IUI in April and again, it was unsuccessful. In May, we were met with the news that IVF would be our next steps for treatment, very resistant, we took another break from treatment. I was broken, I was hurting and I was in an unhealthy work environment and needed change. In June, I took a new job completely out of my career field that resulted in a pay cut but an environment that helped restore my mental and emotional health in a way I didn’t know was possible.

We decided we would not pursue any further treatment until after the new year but wanted to begin to financially see if it would even be possible. The enemy tried really hard to win. I truly saw every mountain possible to keep us from continuing treatment, but God! On a grueling hiking trip, where I felt I could not go up a physical mountain in Utah, He met me there. I heard His voice say to me that my journey is different, to trust Him and the view will be worth it. Sobbing and feeling so grateful, the top of that mountain was the most beautiful view I had ever seen.

My husband and I came home on fire for the Lord and our journey and we decided to start fundraising. Through the generosity of our army and through His grace, we are starting IVF treatment tomorrow for our first round and He provided EVERYTHING we needed, down to the last exact dollar before we even knew what that amount was!!

Though I don’t know the way our story ends, I have to stop and admire the beauty and the journey and His goodness that has brought us here, to this moment. God is good, He is the mountain mover.